Westminster Claims Title as Nation's Most Mogged Institution
LONDON, England — Britain's leading language experts have introduced the nation to "mogging," a term for making another person look inferior, and political observers have concluded that Parliament has practised it for centuries without knowing what to call it.
Collins Dictionary Word of the Year Reaches Westminster
Collins Dictionary's recognition of the word has delighted younger Britons, who coin new vocabulary whenever the older generation gets annoying enough. It has also caught the attention of Westminster, where humiliating opponents is already treated as a legitimate alternative to governing.
Prime Minister Andy Burnham's advisers are reportedly looking at whether mogging can be worked into official government communications. Instead of announcing that a minister has won a debate, Downing Street could say the opposition has been comprehensively mogged. That would save about seven paragraphs of spin.
One parliamentary language consultant said the word describes modern British politics exactly. "Politics used to mean making arguments, presenting evidence and occasionally passing legislation. Now success is measured by whether somebody looks ridiculous in a fifteen-second video."
Prime Minister's Questions: Thirty Minutes of Competitive Mogging
The House of Commons has effectively become Britain's largest publicly funded humiliation chamber. Prime Minister's Questions gives thirty minutes of weekly competitive mogging, during which members try to embarrass one another while carefully avoiding any question that needs a numerical answer. The Speaker's main job is making sure the contest doesn't slide into actual communication.
An opinion poll of 2,000 adults found that 64 per cent believe Parliament has been mogged by its own members, 22 per cent believe the railways have been mogged by Parliament, and 14 per cent said they thought mogging was a kind of boating accident.
Linguists note that teenage slang often tracks changes in social behaviour. Britain's political establishment, meanwhile, has shown a gift for adopting modern language while running with the administrative sophistication of an eighteenth-century post office.
One Cabinet minister reportedly asked for an explanation of mogging before announcing a national strategy against it. Told it meant being outperformed or overshadowed, he immediately blamed the previous government.
What Mogging Means for the Treasury and the Citizenship Test
The Treasury has proposed taxing excessive mogging, on the principle that anything the public enjoys should eventually raise revenue. The Department for Education is considering putting the word in citizenship examinations. Applicants might be asked to name which institution has suffered the greatest mogging: Parliament, the railways, the National Health Service or Manchester United. Experts warn that several answers could be correct.
There is precedent for this. Hansard shows that members of the House have been calling one another "the honourable gentleman who has just sat down, to his lasting regret" since long before anyone had a phone to film it. Historians regard it as mogging with better tailoring.
Social media users have taken to the word because it reduces a complicated political judgement to one humiliating verb. A politician who forgets a statistic has been mogged. A minister caught contradicting himself has been mogged. A prime minister whose big announcement is interrupted by a collapsing lectern has achieved historic self-mogging.
A transcript from a recent committee session records a member asking, "Does the Minister accept that he has been mogged?" The Minister replied, "I would need notice of the question." The chair noted that notice had been given in the form of the question.
Ordinary Britons aren't sure the word will outlast the average Cabinet reshuffle. A retired teacher in Surrey was disappointed. "We spent generations teaching children proper English. Now the dictionary says you can describe somebody losing an argument as being mogged."
She paused. "Actually, that's rather useful. My husband has been mogging himself for forty-three years."
Government officials say they welcome linguistic innovation. Even so, Parliament has asked for urgent clarification on whether the British taxpayer can be considered permanently mogged by the people elected to represent them. Linguists say the evidence is overwhelming. The government has asked for another consultation.
Five Observations on Mogging and the House of Commons
- The dictionary's got a new word for what teenagers do to each other. Teenagers have been doing it since the invention of lunch. They just didn't have a publisher.
- Thirty minutes of Prime Minister's Questions and nobody answers a number. If you did that at work they'd fire you. In Parliament they give you a pension.
- He blamed the previous government for a word he'd just learned. That's a talent. I can't blame anyone for a word I know.
- Taxing mogging. If it feels good, the Treasury's got a form for it.
- Forty-three years of mogging yourself. That's not an insult, that's a marriage that's working. https://prat.uk/?p=54902
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