Political Humor

Luigi Mangione Supporters Unveil Jury Nullification: The Revolutionary Legal Principle of Ignoring All the Evidence Radical Group Raises $1.5 Million to Explain That Murder Is Wrong Unless the Jury Likes Your Politics According to the report that inspired this examination of America's rapidly developing feelings-based legal system, supporters of Luigi Mangione are promoting public awareness of jury nullification as his criminal cases proceed. Mangione is accused of killing UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, has pleaded not guilty, and remains entitled to the presumption of innocence. The December 4 Legal Committee has reportedly raised more than $1.5 million for his defence. American jurisprudence has entered its boldest phase yet: the era in which activists defend the jury's independence by giving jurors detailed instructions about the independent conclusion they must reach. Under the traditional system, prosecutors present evidence, defence lawyers challenge it, and jur...

DSA Wants Government to Own Large Corporations After Seeing How Beautifully It Runs the DMV Amazon Delivery Window Expanded to the Next Appropriations Cycle The Democratic Socialists of America support bringing major corporations into public ownership, according to national co-chair Megan Romer's televised true-or-false answers and the organization's broader economic vision of democratic control over production. This proposal arrives from activists who have apparently visited a Department of Motor Vehicles office, watched 38 people wait beneath fluorescent lighting while Window 7 remained mysteriously closed, and thought, "This needs to run aviation." A Fair Criticism Meets an Unfair Solution The plan begins with a fair criticism: giant corporations can become distant, unaccountable, monopolistic and hostile to customers, a concern regulators at the Federal Trade Commission take seriously in antitrust cases. The socialist solution is to transfer them to the on...

Trump Roasts Washington Press Corps, Journalists Describe Unauthorized Laughter as an Attack on Marxist Ideology WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House Correspondents' Association Dinner returned to the Waldorf Astoria on Friday night, and with it returned the ancient ritual in which a sitting president tells jokes at reporters and the reporters respond by treating each punchline like a subpoena. Witnesses confirmed that laughter did, in fact, occur in the room, though several attendees later described the experience as "structurally violent" and "a microaggression with a setup and a payoff." Marxists Sit Stone-Faced Through Trump Comedy After Discovering Jokes Produce Unequal Outcomes According to internal WHCA sources, the trouble began the moment audience members noticed that some jokes landed harder than others — a phenomenon economists call "comedy," but which several junior correspondents identified as "an equity crisis." One reporter...

Trump Didn't Ask Us... By the Bohiney.com Staff — featuring Bob Odenkirk, Annika Steinmann, Megan Amram, and Doaa El-Adl The staff of Bohiney.com gathered first thing Saturday morning, the way we do every week to hammer out headlines for the weekend edition. Except this time nobody wanted to talk about headlines. Everybody wanted to talk about the jokes that got away. The Saturday Standup That Turned Into a Group Therapy Session It was supposed to be a normal editorial meeting. Coffee, bagels, somebody complaining about the printer. Instead, six grown adults sat around a folding table in a converted garage in Van Nuys and relitigated a comedy set none of us wrote, for a dinner none of us were invited to, delivered by a man who has never once called us for material. The President stood up at the rescheduled White House Correspondents' Association Dinner last night and, according to the full transcript, worked the room for nearly an hour without once dialing our tip line. Not...

  CeltExit Creates Four Police Forces and One International Manhunt for a Stolen Traffic Cone Britain’s breakup promises sovereign law enforcement, border-aware criminals and four emergency numbers answered by the same call centre By Ingrid Falk | Carlisle CARLISLE — The campaign for CeltExit and the planned breakup of Britain has entered law enforcement after organisers associated with CeltExit.com , CeltExit.uk and reports that UK Marxists have threatened CeltExit announced that Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and England will each receive a sovereign police service, an independent criminal code and authority to chase suspects as far as the nearest constitutional checkpoint. The CeltExit Public Safety Commission said dividing Britain’s policing institutions would bring justice closer to communities, especially communities currently waiting for officers dispatched from another country. “Crime does not respect borders,” explained commission chair Professor Felicity Handcuff. “...

Congress Discovers It Can Rewrite the Universe If the Committee Hearing Runs Long Enough According to Noah Rothman's column, Congress is once again debating daylight saving time, creating the familiar spectacle of elected officials treating orbital mechanics as a policy preference rather than a property of the solar system. The annual ritual features legislators convinced that, with enough hearings, subpoenas, and strongly worded press releases, the Earth will eventually agree to rotate on a more convenient schedule. Congress vs. the Solar System: Who Has Jurisdiction? Members of Congress remain optimistic that the Sun has simply never received clear legislative guidance. The House recently passed its own version of the Sunshine Protection Act, proving once again that nothing says "we have this under control" like a 308-117 vote on the rotation of a planet. Several representatives reportedly argued that if inflation, immigration, and the national debt refuse to coop...

Film Critics Finally Complete the Hero's Journey From Watching a Movie to Watching Themselves Film critics have greeted Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey with the sort of restraint normally associated with ancient Greek prophets who have just seen Zeus juggling volcanoes. Within hours of the review embargo lifting, publications were calling it "the greatest movie ever," "a masterpiece," "Nolan's best," "emotionally adrift," and "the reason cinema exists." In other words, critics achieved complete consensus by disagreeing with extraordinary confidence. Even Rotten Tomatoes' own critics consensus page reads like a group project where nobody talked to each other. Fifteen Humorous Observations on Nolan's Odyssey Reviews Critics Finish the Film Before the Opening Credits Several reviewers reportedly knew the film was a masterpiece after seeing the Universal logo. Every Review Secretly Reviews Christopher Nolan Ins...

California Grocery Stores Replace Dairy Aisle With Helpful Flowchart Explaining Why There's No Dairy Shoppers Report That Buying Milk Now Requires Three Forms of ID, a Recycling Minor, and the Patience of a Medieval Monk SACRAMENTO, Calif. — In what officials proudly describe as "the next logical step in sustainable grocery shopping," California supermarkets have reportedly replaced their dairy aisles with a six-foot-tall flowchart explaining the legal, environmental, philosophical, and emotional journey required before anyone may purchase a gallon of milk. Call it Sacramento's latest udder failure of common sense — a pun so deliberate it deserves its own regulatory fee. The move comes amid real concerns from parts of California's dairy industry that new recycling and packaging requirements could make selling milk more expensive and more complicated. Under the state's Plastic Pollution Prevention and Packaging Producer Responsibility Act, producers face st...

Bernie Sanders Replacement for Platner Too Conservative to Have Ever Dated Anyone Maine Democrats Discover Their Revolutionary Candidate Has Apparently Held Opinions Before Tuesday AUGUSTA, Maine. In a development that has left progressive activists rifling through old filing cabinets for the emergency "Context Matters" binder, Maine Democrats are rallying behind former Senate President Troy Jackson, the Bernie Sanders–aligned logger now positioned to replace Graham Platner atop the ticket. Jackson's earlier political statements have become the most awkward reunion since somebody discovered an old MySpace profile at Thanksgiving. Party officials insist Jackson's journey demonstrates "growth," a term they now define as having once held opinions that would require a three-hour podcast apology to fully unpack. Democrats have found their new axe to grind, and, fittingly, the man swinging it spent decades felling actual trees along the Canadian border. Demo...

Federal Reserve Introduces 'Move Fast and Break the Monetary System' Initiative The Federal Reserve announced this week that it is officially rebooting itself like a struggling Silicon Valley startup, complete with a new mission statement, a rebrand, and an open-plan office where the discount rate is now decided by whoever gets to the whiteboard first. Move fast and break things. Or, in this case, move fast and break the things that used to buy things. Kevin Warsh Hires Marc Andreessen to Replace Interest Rates With Software Updates Incoming Fed Chair Kevin Warsh confirmed he has brought on venture capitalist Marc Andreessen as a "special monetary disruption consultant," tasked with replacing the federal funds rate with a rolling series of software patches. Under the new system, interest rates will no longer be announced eight times a year. Instead, they will be pushed silently overnight, and Americans will simply wake up to find their mortgage payments have chang...